7 Sins of Dating – Envy

In dating, Envy is rooted in the belief that we are undeserving and incapable of attracting the traits we wish in a partner

I started my 7 sins of dating series with Pride, Sloth and Wrath. Today, we focus on sin #4, Envy.

Wikipedia describes Envy (Latin, invidia) as a desire to own something that someone else possesses: a skill, talent, or ability.

We become envious by resenting what another person has and believing we lack the means from achieving the same results.  We keep asking “Why not me?” with a painful and resentful awareness in addition to a sense of inferiority.

In dating, this sin originates when we always assume there is someone better, waiting for us. We are never satisfied with the present relationship.

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Photo by Diana Pinto

Envy is unrealistic in nature. We see everyone else’s life through our own imagination rather than the reality and we judge them by way of personal standards of happiness. Our perspective becomes warped as we perceive others to have an advantage over us.  Underlying the envy, admiration lurks for the other person’s perceived talent and capabilities, a wanting to emulate and develop the same qualities.

Society conditions us to work hard (and, as an unfortunate side effect, suffer) for our relationships. When the type of love we want doesn’t come to us, it’s easier emotionally to justify and/or make excuses as to why we’re not getting what we consider is our due. In reaction, we subconsciously experience the need to “level the playing field.”  by puffing ourselves up and pulling them down.  Like birds, we splay out our own feathers and peck at our opponent’s eyes.

Envy may start as a sort of self-love, because, paradoxically, I want something reflective of my better qualities. However, when I am envious, I do not love myself, or express gratitude and joy for the relationship I develop.

Envy is rooted in the belief that we are undeserving and incapable of attracting the traits we wish in a partner. In other words, we make a “out of my league” determination which can play out in different scenarios. We feel intimidated, belittled, overly critical, and fault finding in others and ourselves.

Astrologically, this sin is associated with the planet Mercury who symbolizes the power of communication, one’s own mental competence.

A difficult Mercury placement in our chart, by sign or aspect, lends itself to bursts of envy if we doubted we could conjure what we wanted in a relationship.

Experts recommend emphasizing gratitude as a way to combat the green-eyed monster. My suggestion would be to remember each time you covet someone else’s boyfriend, the emotion takes the focus away from the steps necessary to accomplish your goals.

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Photo Credits: Flickr Creative Commons

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