The 7 Most Common Relationship Problems: Fear of Commitment

© February 2011 By Fabienne Lopez

Today is the final post of my series – 7 Most Common Relationships Problems through the lenses of different Saturn synastry contacts with other planets. If you haven’t seen the rest, start with the first 6, Sun, Moon, Venus, Mercury, Mars and Jupiter.

Wrapping it up is Saturn.

Saturn in synastry: fear of commitmentSaturn/Saturn aspects in Synastry: Fear of Commitment

I believe that difficult Saturn inter chart aspects in a couple can be described as a general fear commitment that has its roots in anything that jeopardizes their sense of security.

Often one or both partners had a bad experience that has influenced them (bad marriage, loss of freedom, etc…). They expect history to repeat itself. As a consequence, their general attitude is “better not to commit than make a mistake.”

With each romantic relationship, Saturn is faced with their fear and the questions below keep circling around, drilling down into his insecurities:

  • Is this relationship going to be forever?
  • What if I choose the wrong person?
  • What if I loose my freedom/autonomy?
  • What if my marriage turns up like my parents?
  • What if I am a bad mate?

The expression of this fear can show up in different ways, some more subtle than others, but they can be divided into the 4 categories below.

7 most common relationships problemsThe 4 most common examples of Saturn Fears:

1. Fear of the unknown.

Saturn is a security drive-planet who is much more content with the status quo than an uncertain future. New experiences and demands can be very worrisome for Saturn. You don’t know just what is round the corner.

2. Fear of making a mistake

This fear is a BIG one for Saturn. He fears regretting the decision later on, which would be seen as a failure in his eyes. Not committing to a decision is his way of avoiding the possibility of making a BAD decision.

3. Fear of “I told you so”

In addition to fearing making a BAD decision, Saturn is afraid of making a decision that is not APPROVED or ACCEPTED by those he loves (family, friends, children) as this is a planet that has a strong need for the social approval of others. Hearing them say “I told you so” is this planet worst nightmare.

4. Fear of losing control.

A very common fear for most people and in particular people with prominent Saturn. We all want to be in control of our feelings and actions in our relationships. If we believe we are no longer in control, we freak out even if things are going well in the relationship. Sometimes, the mere thought of losing control can be enough for Saturn to back out of a relationship.

Saturn/Saturn: Deepening the Insecurities

The Saturn/Saturn synastry has a tendency to worsen and deepen each partner’s unease, as he or she sees reflected in the other the same attitudes, fears and insecurities. In case of conflict, they might use this knowledge against each other and end up both feeling rejected, shut out and hurt. Of course, this merry-go-round will only confirm their initial view of commitments, bringing the whole relationship to a stalemate.

The scenario may vary, but the underlying cause is the same: Saturn inter-chart contacts want to engage in long-term committed relationships but are terrified of what they’ll have to give up in the process –(in this case, their own natural defensiveness and need to protect themselves against being hurt).

a middle-ground for the fear of commitmentFinding a middle ground

The way out of this situation is to request from Saturn what he is best at: a mature attitude. Talking openly about their fears, disclosing them to their partner is a first step.

Second step is for Saturn to learn to trust that things will go the way they are supposed to. It is for Saturn to understand that they may not be able to control everything. They also need to remember that they do have control in what turns the relationship may take.

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Photos Credits: Flickr Creative Commons

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About Fabienne Lopez

Astrologer, Blogger, Life-Coach. My mission is to help you discover, develop and nurture your creativity no matter what transit you are going through.
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