© February 2011 By Fabienne Lopez
Saturn and Venus
Now, it’s Venus.
Saturn and Venus: the fear of love
If you had to define Saturn Venus inter-aspects in a synastry, two words come to mind: SERIOUS relationship.
Several of my clients have reported having the sense of how much the relationship could affect upon first meeting their partner.
They also revealed experiencing a feeling of panic, a “fight or flight” response, and a having a bee-jeebers reaction.
I can totally relate to those feelings. I remember having a very panicky reaction when I met ex husband. I wasn’t too sure if I was ready to meet him. I was afraid of how deeply he could potentially affect me. So, for the first 6 months, I chose to keep him at arms length, terrified of him and what could happen if I got closer. I only slowly warmed up to the idea of having a relationship with him.
Why the reaction? This is the aspect “par excellence” of emotional growth. And conversely of emotional rejection. The Saturn Venus contact is there to transform the couple’s perspective on love, from a typical romantic movie view of love to a more grounded and realistic one.
A “somewhat” daunting task.
Saturn & Venus feedback loop: you love me, you love me not
Similar to Saturn Moon inter-chart aspects, there is a closed up dynamic that tends to go round in circles between the Venus and the Saturn person that plays out like the scenario below:
- A strong feeling of comfort and compatibility at the beginning of the relationship.
- Over time, the Saturn partner becomes critical or demanding of the Venus person. An attitude rooted in the fear of losing the Venus person’s affection, loyalty or respect due to jealousy over the attention given to outside interests and hobbies.
- In response to Saturn’s accusations of being childish, flirty, undisciplined, immature etc… the Venus person effectively withdraws.
- Which only reinforces the cycle of criticism from Saturn.
- And confirms Venus’s belief that Saturn is an unsympathetic, unfeeling old “wet blanket” who doesn’t want the Venus person to enjoy the pleasures of life.
Venus and Saturn: Expectations, Disappointments and Obligations
I recognize some of my own behavior in the above scenario as we some of the feelings engendered by the relationship.
Throughout our marriage, I remember having this feeling of not always getting as much as I needed from him emotionally, or feeling uncomfortable and uncharacteristically awkward in expressing my love towards him.
When things did not turn out as expected, deciding to leave the relationship was a very hard decision to take, I felt so indebted to him. I always carried this sense of duty and obligation in the back of my mind mingled with the sadness that I had somehow disappointed him.
In this relationship, I became extremely mindful of my husband’s expectations of me within that relationship….for better or for worse. I had the sense that any spontaneous expression of feeling would be frown upon. No “playful” attitude allowed.
On the other hand, I did a lot of growing up emotionally. I started to understand what it meant to be in a relationship. That relationships are not necessarily all fun and love, but also require a lot of hard work to grow and thrive. Which meant giving up some of the cherished illusions surrounding love and affection and the expression of them.
It was a good lesson. A perfect example of what a Saturn/Venus relationship requires of you.
Going back to the present Saturn in Libra transit, I think Saturn is asking us – until October 2012 – to figure out within the relationship what are true and valid expectations and obligations and the ones that are not. Whether or not you have a Saturn/Venus inter-chart synastry. Even more so if you do.
What do you think? Have you had any similar experiences within your relationship? How did learn to express love and affection in a mature way? What were your expectations in the relationship?
Share your thoughts and thanks for visiting.
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Photos Credits: Flickr Creative Commons