The 7 Most Common Relationship Problems: Intimacy Issues

© February 2011 By Fabienne Lopez

saturn and venus in synastrySaturn and Venus

So far I covered the synastry aspects of Sun and Saturn and Saturn and the Moon.

Now, it’s Venus.

Saturn and Venus: the fear of love

If you had to define Saturn Venus inter-aspects in a synastry, two words come to mind: SERIOUS relationship.

Several of my clients have reported having the sense of how much the relationship could affect upon first meeting their partner.

They also revealed experiencing a feeling of panic, a “fight or flight” response, and a having a bee-jeebers reaction.

I can totally relate to those feelings. I remember having a very panicky reaction when I met ex husband. I wasn’t too sure if I was ready to meet him. I was afraid of how deeply he could potentially affect me. So, for the first 6 months, I chose to keep him at arms length, terrified of him and what could happen if I got closer. I only slowly warmed up to the idea of having a relationship with him.

Why the reaction? This is the aspect “par excellence” of emotional growth. And conversely of emotional rejection. The Saturn Venus contact is there to transform the couple’s perspective on love, from a typical romantic movie view of love to a more grounded and realistic one.

A “somewhat” daunting task.

saturn and venus square or oppositionSaturn & Venus feedback loop: you love me, you love me not

Similar to Saturn Moon inter-chart aspects, there is a closed up dynamic that tends to go round in circles between the Venus and the Saturn person that plays out like the scenario below:

-      A strong feeling of comfort and compatibility at the beginning of the relationship.

-      Over time, the Saturn partner becomes critical or demanding of the Venus person. An attitude rooted in the fear of losing the Venus person’s affection, loyalty or respect due to jealousy over the attention given to outside interests and hobbies.

-      In response to Saturn’s accusations of being childish, flirty, undisciplined, immature etc… the Venus person effectively withdraws.

-      Which only reinforces the cycle of criticism from Saturn.

-      And confirms Venus’s belief that Saturn is an unsympathetic, unfeeling old “wet blanket” who doesn’t want the Venus person to enjoy the pleasures of life.

Venus and Saturn: Expectations, Disappointments and Obligations

I recognize some of my own behavior in the above scenario as we some of the feelings engendered by the relationship.

Throughout our marriage, I remember having this feeling of not always getting as much as I needed from him emotionally, or feeling uncomfortable and uncharacteristically awkward in expressing my love towards him.

When things did not turn out as expected, deciding to leave the relationship was a very hard decision to take, I felt so indebted to him. I always carried this sense of duty and obligation in the back of my mind mingled with the sadness that I had somehow disappointed him.

In this relationship, I became extremely mindful of my husband’s expectations of me within that relationship….for better or for worse. I had the sense that any spontaneous expression of feeling would be frown upon. No “playful” attitude allowed.

On the other hand, I did a lot of growing up emotionally. I started to understand what it meant to be in a relationship.  That relationships are not necessarily all fun and love, but also require a lot of hard work to grow and thrive. Which meant giving up some of the cherished illusions surrounding love and affection and the expression of them.

It was a good lesson. A perfect example of what a Saturn/Venus relationship requires of you.

Going back to the present Saturn in Libra transit, I think Saturn is asking us – until October 2012 – to figure out within the relationship what are true and valid expectations and obligations and the ones that are not. Whether or not you have a Saturn/Venus inter-chart synastry. Even more so if you do.

What do you think? Have you had any similar experiences within your relationship? How did learn to express love and affection in a mature way? What were your expectations in the relationship?

Share your thoughts and thanks for visiting.

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About Fabienne Lopez

Astrologer, Blogger, Life-Coach. My mission is to help you discover, develop and nurture your creativity no matter what transit you are going through.
This entry was posted in Astrology, Relationships and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to The 7 Most Common Relationship Problems: Intimacy Issues

  1. Kal Pen says:

    Perfect description… I have experienced such an interaction: Saturn square Venus (less than 1 degree orb-I was the Venus-he was the Saturn).
    It is exactly how you described it-incredible chemistry from the get-go, sense of finding a perfect match, feeling safe. But fights would come up concerning how immature or spontaneous I was in my every reaction (I m a Gemini-I can’t help it…). It would take days for him to “forgive” my behavior and start warming up to me again. And everything I did supposedly showed how much respect I had or hadn’t towards him. I tried to “change” for him. It ended up being an endless series of fights (every time worse, even for petty things, and it took longer to patch things up), a lot of heartache on my side trying to prove that I could be more mature and that I could take our relationship seriously. And as you said: he said that he was disappointed because I didn t prove to be what he first thought I was…
    A year has passed since we last spoke. It still hurts when I think about it. I have learned about responsibility in a relationship and not reacting to a situation without having given it careful thought because everything has consequences.

    What I would like to know, if you could help me, is this: is the hurt felt only by the Venus person? The Saturn person seems really cold and insensitive (in the end at least)-I believe he never really loved me at all. I know it sounds cliche…
    I would just like to know if the Saturn person actually has no affectionate feelings from the beginning (I have to admit-it is possible he didn t love me without it being Saturn’s fault!!!)
    Thank you!

    • Fabienne Lopez says:

      Hello and welcome:

      Thank you for sharing your story. Venus/Saturn square is a very difficult aspect to handle either in a natal or in a synastry chart. It’s take maturity to handle this aspect and maturity every often comes only with time.
      I will answer your question in a general manner since I do not know your and his chart. Yes, the hurt the Venus person feels is also shared by the Saturn person even if it is not so obvious as for the Venus person. With this aspect, Saturn experiences a sense of inadequacy and clumsiness in the presence of Venus and her spontaneous way of loving. He is confronted with his inability to easily express feelings and love except in a hurtful way. The reasoning behind the attitude is “better to keep the person I love at arms length than have that person abandon me later because I let her get too close to me”. Saturn is a sign that is driven by the need for security and fears to be emotionally rejected. Something he is very sensitive to and has difficulties recovering from.
      I hope this helps. Take care.

  2. Pingback: The 7 Most Common Relationship Problems: Lost in Translation » » Astrology Around The Web

  3. k says:

    yes this all sounds familiar! my current boyfriend and i have venus/saturn from one to the other (his venus/saturn are conjunct. they conj. my venus and trine my saturn.) my saturn is also in the 7th house. i think he had a similar feeling about me at first, as you did to your ex-husband. he was really wishy-washy and unsure about us. we ended up dating for 3 years, then broke up for 3 years in which we didn’t speak. we got back together almost 4 years ago, and i definitely see the saturn as a kind of glue that sticks us together. thing is, we both play the saturn and the venus person sometimes, ha, but probably mostly him, in terms of the chart. anyway, this time, he seems to be more aware of/at peace with the saturn “seriousness” of everything, whereas i was before (cap moon/rising here.)

    • Fabienne Lopez says:

      Hi K:

      Welcome and thanks for sharing your own experience. It seems you have a good grasp of the Venus/Saturn dynamics in your couple. Indeed, Saturn can be worse than crazy glue in relationships. You want to leave, you know you are done with the relationship, but somehow that final step proves to be impossible. However, as anything that has do to with Saturn, time is a component not to be forgiven in the mix. You boyfriend’s awareness of “seriousness” of the relationship is a good example of the “time” factor in relationships.

  4. Jadega says:

    Guys, Have you tried indian astrology synastry. One of the best and proven…check it out..

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