© January 2011 by Fabienne Lopez
We are getting close to the end of this 4 part series on how Saturn in Libra is bringing out the dark side of relationships. If you’re just tuning in, make sure to check out shadows and projections.
Clinging to Past Relationships
So far, we have talked about shadows and projections in relationships. The third dirty secret is how much some us cling to relationships even after they have long expired. Something that Saturn in Libra will be highlighting in the next two years.
We all have been there and done that. It’s like we signed a 99 year lease on the relationship and cannot let it go even when we know it has lived its usefulness and has come full circle.
We give all sorts of reasons for why we keep them going:
- Security reasons (I don’t want/know or I am afraid of being alone)
- Financial ones (Who is going to take care of me?)
- Fear of the unknown (I don’t know how to take care of myself)
- Need for companionship (A bad relationship is better than no relationship)
- We are convinced that love will blossom in time (I can change him and he will love me)
Why We Cling
There is all sorts of reasons why we cling. As I learned by attending CoDA meetings (Co-Dependents Anonymous), the need to cling can be caused by fears of rejection, abandonment experienced most often in childhood. The pain and trauma caused by these episodes sets the tone of futures relationships. The main goal is not repeating these situations encountered earlier. Therefore, we cling.
Clinging can also stem from perfectionism. There is often the need to prove the other person that they are missing out on the “perfect” person for them. The one who knows want to want, what you need and can take care of you better than your own mother. The attitude comes from part innate perfectionism and a fear of failure.
I have gone that path a couple of times. I remember in particular a relationship where I was determined to prove that I was the “right” girlfriend. Letting go of this “relationship’ was hard because I was showing him my better side and still I was not able to make him love me. I did not matter that we were not suitable. The feeling of failure was enough to spur me to cling to the relationship. Only when the pain of staying in that situation was greater that the pain of changing my behavior was I able to move on.
Fear of failure and disappointments
Over time, I learned that my pattern of holding on to relationships was rooted in issues of security and fear of change. A pretty common attitude among those who have had a history of failures and disappointment. It’s a little bit like hanging on the devil you know instead of going after the unknown one.
Loss of support system
Clingers can also be reluctant to give up the sheer comfort and convenience of what they’ve had with someone. When a break-up occurs, very often we lose not only the person with whom we have an emotional attachment to, but also the social network that comes with it (the shared friends, family, neighbors, pets, a routine, etc…) and constitutes our entire support system. Not an easy thing to give up.
Of all the bad sides of relationships, the clinging mechanism of defense is the one I am most familiar with. Clinging on to broken relationships has been a pattern of mine. But since Saturn entered my 7th house of relationships (even before it’s ingress in Libra) I have recognized that this pattern is not my friend and most often prevents me from understanding what a healthy relationship looks and feels like.
Saturn in Libra has been teaching me that people don’t quit loving, healthy relationships – only relationships that aren’t working on some level. It has been an interesting lesson….
What clinging patterns has Saturn in Libra uncovered for you? What are the most common reason for you to hold on to expired relationships? Share your story!
Thanks for visiting. Tell me what you’re thinking…
Thanks for being part of Astrology Unboxed.
Let’s succeed together!
If you’re new here I hope you’ll like what you see and take a moment to get free email updates.
I’d love it if you take a moment to add this to StumbleUpon, Digg or Delicious because that will help me get more readers. Thank you! I appreciate it. In the alternative you can share it on Facebook or Tweet about Astrology Unboxed.
Photos Credits: Flickr Creative Commons