© January 2011 by Fabienne Lopez
This is post 2 of a 4 part series that will examine the dark side of relationships and how Saturn in Libra bringing them out in the open. After looking at the concept of shadow in relationships, we now turn to the idea of projections in relationships.
It’s Them not Me!
Today, we are having a look at projections. In psychological terms, it is defined as parts of ourselves we disown. Usually it is a quality or a characteristic that we do not recognize in ourselves but can very easily spot on others.
In lay terms, projections are the famous “Why does he keeps doing that…s/he knows how much I hate it!” It always him, them, not me. Never me!
They are the people to whom we have a strong emotional reaction to. We get hooked by what they are seemingly doing. Our buttons get pushed. We get irritated by them.
The projection can be either a negative or a positive reaction. I have had occasions in my life when I have become “fascinated” with my friends for their ability to become the life of the party, to have a busy social life and, in general, be the center of attention. All things I am uncomfortable with and have very conflicting feelings about.
Conversely, I also have had plenty of encounters with people whom I have “hated” and “could not stand”.
In both cases, I was very categorical in my judgment that “I could never be like that…”
What it looks like in real life
I recently experienced this. A woman I met a couple of times provoked a strong emotional in me. Each time, I felt my hackles rise. It’s nothing she did, on the contrary, she was courteous to me. But I could not stand her. I kept asking myself “What is it about her I can’t stand, that is so unacceptable to me?”. I could not come up with an answer. Whatever it was, it is something that actually resides inside of me. Something that I don’t want to believe or accept about myself.
Each time my buttons get pushed, I know I am projecting. That said, I am not always able to trace back why his or hers traits disturb me so much. I, however, pay close attention to the emotions generated by the encounter. I go beyond the obvious ones (irritation, fascination, confusion) to the juicy ones, the ones that are more elusive and hard to pinpoint immediately (guilt, envy, anger).
Since Saturn has entered Libra, I have come to slowly realized that my over-emotional reactions are tied to my feelings of guilt about my feelings . I project my feelings into other people when I do not take a stand and express them honestly.
I noticed the number of people showing up as “hooks” for my projected feelings has diminished as I have become emotionally more assertive. They are still some, but the quality or characteristic that they are expressing is not so extreme and my emotions do not get so involved. It seems that now that I am spotting these “hooks”, I am owning those projections.
How about you? Have you had an experience where you “hated” or “adored” someone and they provoked intense emotional reactions in you? Share your thoughts and stories. What has Saturn in Libra been teaching you about those emotions?
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