©November 2010 by Fabienne Lopez
SETTING UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
The Hollywood version of love wants us believing that marriage will fulfill all of our expectations at happiness and provide for all of our emotional needs.
This distorted vision of marriage generates misconceptions and unrealistic expectations of what constitutes a successful relationship.
Until October 2012, Saturn (limitations) in Libra (relationships) is asking us:
1) Question the myths and assumptions about marriage and relationships
2) To transform these unrealistic expectations — the ones that can set our relationships to fail — into more realistic versions that are achievable.
Let’s look at some common relationship myths that might be contributing to these unrealistic expectations.
Myth# 1: OPPOSITES ATTRACT
Fact: Yes, opposite do attract each other. At the beginning. But in general, there is considerable cross-purpose at the core and butting heads is inevitable. In most cases, too many compromises are necessary to make the relationship work over time. Values are generally not compatible and there is a lack of common interests.
Solution: If you want to find someone to grow old with, look for someone with whom you share common values. Astrologically, that means looking for compatible sun signs (sextile or trine). The energy of the sun signs are well blended denoting mutual understanding of values, ideals and goals. They are more apt to hold common values and stay together over the long haul.
Myth #2: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP IS A PEACEFUL ONE
Fact: A lot of couples are afraid to argue about their money, family, spouse’s family, leisure time, religious beliefs as they see it as a sign of weakness or relationship breakdown. Studies have contradicted that belief. Couples that avoid dealing with their differences or show no conflict are more likely to end up in divorce.
Solution: Don’t be afraid of having difficult conversations. If approached properly, couples can learn how to disagree in a healthy, productive manner. Working though these rough spots is an important part of growing closer.
Astrologically, I would look for harmonious contacts between partners’ Mercury & Mars and/or Mars & Mars as an indication of the couples ability to resolve their differences.
Myth#3: SEPARATE LIVES KEEPS COUPLES TOGETHER
Fact: Having separate lives doesn’t necessarily keep a couple together in the long term. In fact, it’s interdependence and interconnectedness that keeps couples together. So parallel but separate lives shouldn’t necessarily be a goal. Strive for independence and togetherness.
Solution: Work on acquiring common interests over the years but also keep a separate set of activities.
In a synastry reading (couple’s compatibility analysis), I would look for the sign, placement and aspects of Jupiter to indicate the couple’s ability to develop mutual interests.
Myth#4: DISCUSS RELATIONSHIPS ISSUES OFTEN TO KEEP THE MARRIAGE HEALTHY
Fact: The need to work on the relationship is real. Discussing concerns from time to time is necessary. But as John Gray, author of “Men are from Mars Women From Venus”, pointed out men and women have very different levels of tolerances for “relationship talk.” Over discussing the relationship can backfire and could lead to one or both partners feeling stressed, blamed and distressed.
Solution: Pick and choose which issues you want to explore in a conversation. As for the remaining ones, let it go.
Astrology looks at Mercury (communication) to understand how easily a couple can share their opinions, concerns, worries, goals and be understood.
The fact is there is no one way that relationships are supposed to work, and no one recipe for relationship-bliss. Maybe the only recipe is that relationships take time, patience and commitment. There are as many relationship models as people out there. It’s up to you to figure what you want and need in a relationship based on facts and not on how it is supposed to work. And with the help of Saturn, we should be able to come up with our own workable model.
Photos Credits: Flickr Creative Commons